Rogue Ink

June 10, 2008

Twitter. The Honeymoon is Over.

Filed under: Blogging — Tei @ 7:56 am

After the ridiculous lovefest that was yesterday’s post, I feel I owe everyone a round of snark. So we set forth into the anticlimactic linkfest that was Twitter.

Everyone was talking about the Twitter. I read the Wired article and made a noise that sounded very much like “Pleh.” I read the New York Times article and felt justified in my snobbery (bless you, NY Times, for indulging my superiority complex). And then I got to blogging, and it all went to hell in a handbasket. James and Harry were talking about giving in to the Twitter. Naomi was talking about how NOT to use Twitter, and when Naomi lays down a gauntlet like that, you are honor-bound to pick it up and smite her briskly across the face with it. In the most loving way possible.

The point is, while I may not be a sucker for the printed media, I am evidently easily persuaded by the digital bloggery. Twitter became that guy in your class who you hadn’t thought was cute until you realized everyone else had a crush on him. I caved. To Twitter I went.

In the Beginning

All was sweetness and light. Twitter said delightfully funny things, it introduced me to all the people it knew. We talked for ages, in little 140-letter vignettes. The Twitter cared about my business and helped promote my blog – so sweet. The Twitter wrote me haikus. It is possible this is because the Twitter was incapable of sonnets, but I was not to be troubled by such trifles. I was enamored. I braided daisies into crowns and sang love songs, people. The Twitter was so good to me.

Then There Was Turmoil

Twitter stopped communicating with me. Someone would send me a message and three minutes later I’d get it. I would find myself with only part of a haiku that I was sure had a preceding part, but I couldn’t find it, and Twitter couldn’t find it, and the Tweet ‘and then fell off a snow bank’ really needs an introduction. I realized very suddenly that Twitter possibly had a drug problem, or was off its medication. I would have been concerned, but the other problem was that I was getting tired of the Twitter. Its conversation had ceased to sparkle. It was repeating stories it had told on our first date. It was boring me to tears.

Then There Was Smiting.

Twitter started to boot me randomly out of the house. Other people too. The Tweet galaxy was all full of people calling into the blackness. “Hello! Are you there? I’m not there. I’m here.” We began to sound like bad Emily Dickenson imitators. “I’m Tweeting – in the Twhirl. Are you – Tweeting here – like me? Are we both – fucked – and speaking – to no one? – Stupid Twitter. I – want bacon.” Then Twitter got all passive-aggressive decided it couldn’t handle my shenanigans and wiped all my old Tweets, which was really just uncalled for. It started to play games with my head, and then I would yell, and it would go off and sulk and not talk to me for days, and we continued in this destructive cycle, neither of us willing to admit that we were just not meant to be. No we were not.

Then There Was the Flood.

I dumped the Twitter. We had a lovely little affair, but it was just one of those things. Just one of those nights. Just one of those magic flights. And now I’ve begun to quote Cole Porter, which just goes to show how damaging this relationship was. It hurts a little still. Inside.

I may sometimes go back to the Twitter, but it will only be to use it shamelessly for blog promotion. Yes, it’s cruel to do to an old flame, especially when you know it secretly still wants you, and you know perfectly well it can’t have you back. That is just the way it is, though.

On another note: Heading over to the Twitter randomly for the first time in about a week, I discovered that James does not, apparently, love me every day. Why, James? How can this be so? What day was ever a wrong one with me?

That’s the other thing about Twitter. It’ll rat you out. Is it any wonder I dumped it?

Subscribe. Lambasting to be continued.


  1. Wait?! What?! I don’t love you every day? Of course I do! I publicly said how sweet your letter was, I even RETWEETED it, for god’s sake…

    IM chatting is much better. I’m frustrated with Twitter too. And everyone is saying to move to Plurk or this or that or whatever and I’m like, fuck me. Another thing to learn and pay attention to?

    But I still like Twitter. When it works.

    Hm. No subscribe to comments yet, I see. NOW who’s not loving who, eh?

    Comment by James Chartrand - Men with Pens — June 10, 2008 @ 11:00 am | Reply

  2. I haven’t given up on the Twitter just yet. However, I have told the Twitter that we need to see other people and that I need my space too.

    Oh, and I’m gonna have to side with James on this one. You *need* a “Subscribe to Comments” thingy.

    Comment by Sandie — June 10, 2008 @ 11:30 am | Reply

  3. While not happy with Twitter right now, I’m not going to Plurk or anything else.. I don’t like the look of Plurk – maybe I was just in a bad mood when I first saw it, but it just plain confused me.. so I didn’t take the bait.

    And this silly “invitation” junk.. I just went again without an invite and a little thing pops up saying someone I don’t know and never heard of has invited me.. invited my ip address?? C’mon..

    Comment by Tony Lawrence — June 10, 2008 @ 11:58 am | Reply

  4. I remain blissfully unaware of this stuff, if only because I don’t have the time management skills to cope with work, blogging, domesticity, and a normal social life, let alone Twitter and Plurk (which I thought James made up). The very word Twitter turns me off, sends my mind reeling into a what I imagine would be constant…twittering. I feel like the Grinch thinking, all that noise, noise, noise, NOISE!! I like my quiet. And I have zero tolerance for digital things that go awry. Best not to provoke the monster.

    Comment by Steph — June 10, 2008 @ 12:15 pm | Reply

  5. Oh, thank goodness it’s not another one of those letters.


    Here’s the thing about the guy in class you never thought was cute: He never was cute. Plus he takes up a lot of your time, you know, monopolizing your attention the way RPGs do…

    Could it be that you noticed another cute guy in class? 😉

    When I want to talk to somebody, I want to talk to them. (Well, “talk,” in the sense of “never really hear their voice,” but it’s close. I do own a telephone, but it’s so last-century.) I can IM, or I can email which frankly is about the same thing to me. I never want to talk to half the world at once.

    Everybody talks about time management (geez, every blog I read describes not having enough hours in their day at least once a month), yet so many people keep trying to stuff more s–t into the proverbial 5-pound bag. What do you think’s gonna happen, people? If you didn’t have enough time in your day and then you add a bunch of stuff, something’s gonna BREAK. So, I admit I’m glad to hear a Twitter rant.

    OMG, I love that Emily Dickinson poem. One of my favorites.

    (Am I going to beat you to a new blog? I thought it was impossible, but I’m almost there…)



    Comment by Kelly — June 10, 2008 @ 12:30 pm | Reply

  6. It’s a new low. I winked twice in one comment.

    Worse yet I didn’t even realize it. Aargh.

    Comment by Kelly — June 10, 2008 @ 12:31 pm | Reply

  7. I think I’ve abandoned Twitter at the nearest curb. She was just too fickle and totally unreliable. Stood me up several times, so hey, a guy’s gotta draw the line somewhere.

    Comment by Harrison McLeod — June 10, 2008 @ 4:10 pm | Reply

  8. Wait… I just signed up. Why am I always the girl who found out after prom that you could register your dress.

    Comment by MonstersMama — June 10, 2008 @ 4:36 pm | Reply

  9. James: Of course you retweeted it. Why would you not spread the Men-love far and wide?

    Sandie: Everyone’s a critic. 😛

    Tony: This Plurk guy sounds like trouble. I’d stay away from him.

    Steph: The Grinch knew what was up, dude. I had mad sympathy for the Grinch.

    Kelly: Ooh, fuck. I have to get on that. And what new guy? I have no idea to what you might be referring . . .

    Harrison: I hope you left her in a nice neighborhood. She’s wearing terrible shoes.

    Taravitch: Because you were prettier than the rest of us. No one wanted you to know.

    Comment by Tei — June 10, 2008 @ 4:51 pm | Reply

  10. His initials are R.P.G.

    Stone in Love, you are. Pull out the Journey songs and turn the lights low, Tei’s slow dancin’ with her new man. Speaking of prom dresses.

    Thus, buying me time. Tweak, tweak. It’s taking forever.

    Comment by Kelly — June 10, 2008 @ 5:50 pm | Reply

  11. Kelly: Hmmm . . . R.P.G. Doesn’t ring a bell. I can’t quite . . . hm. No, I’m sure I don’t know anyone with those initials. Tra-la!

    Comment by Tei — June 10, 2008 @ 6:36 pm | Reply

  12. Twitter killed my dog and gave me the clap.

    Comment by Tony — June 10, 2008 @ 9:31 pm | Reply

  13. Twitter, well I haven’t thrown it under the bus, but then I signed up for plurk and stayed one day. My eyes don’t track left to right on my BEST day, now I have this floaty stuff wandering like clouds about the screen. Yikes…makes me want to drink and that’s not good for working.
    Good for hanking at a weevil pub though.

    Speaking of the Weevil…

    Tei? Looks like a whole lot of sameness here?

    When’s the new day dawning? Do I have to come over there and push you in the lake?

    Comment by wendikelly — June 11, 2008 @ 2:05 am | Reply

  14. I’m with Steph, I have no idea about Twitter, and I agree, it’s has a shitter of a name. It’s nice to have you back 🙂

    Comment by Simonne — June 11, 2008 @ 5:13 am | Reply

  15. I’m staying away from Twitter.

    Like Crack Cocaine, I hear it can totally take over your life, and you can get sucked into frittering away hours and hours.

    I already do that anyway!

    Comment by Friar — June 11, 2008 @ 2:25 pm | Reply

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