Rogue Ink

June 16, 2008

eBooks and How to Shun Them

Filed under: Writing — Tei @ 6:57 am
Tags: , , , ,

I have been resisting the eBooks. Mostly this is because I am inclined to write them as though they were some new invention of the Apple folks, like the iPod or the iPhone or the iWantToSeeTheLetterICapitalizedAgainFortheLoveofMoses. I consider the e-something revolution to be akin to the i-something revolution, and no good can come of this, people. It was only a matter of time before people were sending text messages and emails saying things like ‘i lost my monkey.’ Do we really want this to happen to the beloved e? I ask you.

Not that ‘e’ needs to be capitalized as often as ‘i’, but it is a slippery downward slope we’re walking. eventually it’ll be ‘a’, and then ‘u’, and – OH MY GODS it’s starting already! Did you SEE that?

Right. So. The eBooks. I was holding to my righteous stance, here, people. It was blasphemous. An INTERNET book? No pages to twitch? No smooth paper, no old typewriter style font set? No resting book on knees while consuming prolific amounts of cheese and chocolate? Oh, no. I was pure. Steadfast in my love of the smell of leather and old ink. Devoted to the path of good.

The Temptation of the Rogue

Nick Cernis came out with the delightfully named Todoodlist, which sounds simultaneously like a fun organizational tool and an cyborg titillator, a la Jude Law in A.I. I don’t know that Nick particularly wants that association, but it is there, in my head. Nick’s promotion of this eBook indicates that there is a chapter entitled, and I would not joke about this, Zen Kitten in a Box. Who am I to resist a Zen Kitten, much less one enboxed? I ask you. The Todoodlist also affects to help you “embrace simplicity, rid your life of complexity, (hm, lost me a bit there, chaos being so much a part of the rogue life) AND “discover fun new ways to be productive with paper.” Oh, sweet monkey G. PAPER? Stuff I can do with PAPER? And a ZEN KITTEN? Wants it, the precious.

I resisted the Todoodlist, standing reeling in the desert heat, my mind yearning to give in.

The Pen Men have Writing for the Web, a guide for people who want to launch a writing career. Um, yeah, say you. Aren’t you doing that? Wouldn’t this be old news for you? Yes. Yes it would. It attests to my love of the Men when I say that a) I suspect they have been holding out on me advice-wise and know something that I do not, which is why everyone loves them more than me, including me and b) that it would be worth the money just for an enjoyable read, even if I have already done everything they know how to do. The book is for new writers who need a break getting into the industry, and I wanted a piece of that, because I prey upon the weak and the innocent. Well played, Men. Well played indeed.

I shunned the lures of the Men – O! the Men! – certain I would be rewarded for my steadfastness. My skin was peeling away in the heat and I was too exhausted to breathe.

Christine O’Kelly has How I Built a Profitable Freelance Business for Under $50, and if there is anything the rogue is a sucker for, it is things that cost less than $50. I thought this would be an easy resist, since a title like that tends to scream scam (sorry, Christine) but unfortunately, the delightful Dave Navarro of Rock Your Day wrote a review that said, in essence ‘page 17 got me more clients than I could shake an Italian sausage at,’ and I thought damn you, Navarro. Now I am Pandora’s box level curious. What the hell is on page 17?

With a superhuman effort, I did not ask to see what was on page 17, and the Devil let me be, bleeding, sunburned, and delirious, crawling on my knees out of the desert.

And then the Magdalene came.

Naomi Dunford, of IttyBiz, is releasing her eBook today. I do not know what it is about. I suspect it is how to run a kick-ass small business, which is what I hired her to tell me how to do in the first place. She’s really great at it. Naomi is a behaloed goddess of get-shit-done, and she does not beat around the bush when she is telling you what is smart, and what is not, and which is which, and how she knows, and why it will work, and why you should just do what she says, seriously, because it works, damn it. She is fantastic at small business advice, and she has, apparently, written it down. How can I resist the glory that is my ultimate nemesis in BOOK form? It is the two things I love most, nemeses and books, in one shining body of glory. How can I resist her?

I can’t. I am falling from grace. I’m totally buying it. And all the rest of them, actually. If I’m going to fall, I am falling hard. You should come with me. I hear it’s heaven for climate, hell for company.

Addendum. Her eBook is on SEO, and now I need it even more, because I am damned if I understand SEO at all. Sweet Christ. It’s like she KNEW. Here’s the link to SEO School.

Subscribe. I promise never to pretend to be major religious figures again. Well. Maybe Kali. She’s kind of awesome.


  1. I can’t stand ebooks. More accurately, I can’t stand reading ebooks on my computer.

    It’s simply a technology thing. Maybe something like Kindle will someday change my mind, but right now I won’t even do ebooks when they are free unless I desperately need the information they contain.

    Comment by Tony Lawrence — June 16, 2008 @ 9:52 am | Reply

  2. I heard the Zen Kitty is way more popular than Nick himself is. So it makes sense he uses it in his promo copy.

    Tony – I also hear (nothing original from this blogger, oh no Sir-ree) that you can print them?!

    Comment by Sunili — June 16, 2008 @ 10:02 am | Reply

  3. Tei,

    I’m with Tony on screen reading, ICK, so I just hit the Print button. If I want the info bad enough I don’t let a screen stand between me and getting it.

    If I do a book I want to go Lulu and have a real tangible Something for folks. eBook, schmeeBook.

    Think Naomi’s up and active yet? (Of course these days you don’t have to be up.) I have been all kinds of curious as to what she’s keeping from us. I think I’ll just go have a peek.



    Comment by Kelly — June 16, 2008 @ 11:37 am | Reply

  4. You’re lovely. We also have those ebooks at Capturing Fantasy, which are truly beautifully designed. You don’t have to read them. Just put them on your screen and bask in pretty.

    How I feel about ebooks: I only buy stuff that is instructional and that I can leap to this chapter or that and skim quickly to use the advice right away. I don’t READ, really.

    Speaking of instructional, applicable advice, I got a sneak peek of Naomi’s book. (Because she, unlike you, can’t resist giving me gifts. Now that’s adoration.) Skim, scan, nod nod… This fits in perfectly with my idea of a good eRead.

    Comment by James Chartrand - Men with Pens — June 16, 2008 @ 11:53 am | Reply

  5. Oh, Tei, on this one, we are so alike.I want it in my hand smelling nice and leathery too. And the very few ebooks I have I have printed. And then feel guilty for every crying tree out there as the paper slides through my printer. It pains me to do it, but I just can’t sit in front of my computer and read 40 pages of ANYTHING.

    And of course, you have hit on exactly the ones that have tempted me too, although I have to say..the Pen Men will get me to fall first. Because I need it first. Damn Dice.

    But I’ll support Naomi too because she is awesome and I want her to be totally absolutly successful.

    Comment by wendikelly — June 16, 2008 @ 12:59 pm | Reply

  6. Hi Tei,
    I’m buying Naomi’s ebook and that’s the only one.

    I just spent $40.00 on a garage sale ad.

    And I do believe James lives in a house and Naomi doesn’t. Though I could be wrong, he might live in a barn. Doesn’t he have horses?

    A house is important, as you well know. Do you like your new house?

    Anyway, I might buy yours if you write one, but I don’t have to worry about that ’cause you need to get your site up and running. So I have time to budget my pennies.

    Take care. E

    Comment by Ellen Wilson — June 16, 2008 @ 5:50 pm | Reply

  7. Tei –

    Page 17 is real. And it’s SPECTACULAR.

    (catch the Seinfeld reference?)

    Comment by Dave Navarro — June 16, 2008 @ 7:42 pm | Reply

  8. I’m new to the ministrations of Naomi and you, Tei, and I’m enjoying myself immensely. So glad I found you. I just read my e-mail this morning and felt all kinds of compelled to buy Naomi’s book, too. And Men with Pens man, I can hardly resist your offer of a $25 drive-by website review (but only after I fix the phallic-like mouse in my logo, because I can only imagine what you’d have to say about that).

    Comment by Shannon M. — June 16, 2008 @ 9:49 pm | Reply

  9. @ Ellen – Well, Naomi lives under a roof as well. There is no ‘net connection from cardboard boxes these days.

    @ Dave – Hey. 17 was good, but did you see what she wrote on 35?

    Comment by James Chartrand - Men with Pens — June 16, 2008 @ 10:52 pm | Reply

  10. @James – If you live in the city there is.

    The whole damn book is good. That’s why I’m going to buy it.

    Smart people buy good books.

    There is no other reason.

    Comment by neyellen — June 17, 2008 @ 12:39 am | Reply

  11. Gah. Hello everyone, clearly I need to pay more attention.

    Tony: Yeah, I’m with you. But Naomi. How can I resist Naomi? I might have to buy a printer for Naomi.

    Sunili: It’s a damn cute kitten.

    Kelly: She’s there. She’s active.

    James: No GIFTS? No love letters for you ever again. The ungratefulness, I ask you.

    Wendi: I know. The pretties.

    Ellen: I promise, if I ever write an ebook, it will be worth buying. I would not be okay with anything else.

    Dave: I repeat: Damn you, Navarro! (and yes, I did, and I was pleased)

    Shannon: I am glad you found me too. Yay team!

    neyellen: Damn skippy. Though we have also been known to buy the works of Dick Francis, because we cannot resist him. Except now he’s getting old. Sadness.

    Comment by Tei — June 17, 2008 @ 12:58 am | Reply

  12. Don’t shun the eBook. I’m in the process of writing one myself and can’t be deterred by witty anti-eBook banter.

    @Shannon M. OMG. You phallic mouse is hysterical. LEAVE IT!

    @James 35? Did you just sucker me?

    Comment by Sandra — June 17, 2008 @ 5:46 am | Reply

  13. Tei, dear,

    Click on my link.

    No, not the one in the other comment. This one.

    I made it, honey, and so can you. Just step out of Reckon for a while.

    Consider yourself the very, very first to know.

    Now I can go read some eBooks or something.

    Actually, I can’t, because an anvil fell on my head a half an hour ago, but that is a story for another day.



    Comment by Kelly — June 17, 2008 @ 5:49 am | Reply

  14. A printout does not a book make.

    I’m sure Naomi’s book will be a lot of fun. I’m not sure how much she really knows about SEO, but that probably doesn’t matter: she’s aiming at the rank beginner and it undoubtedly will be entertaining and useful.

    But there is no way I’d read anything like that out of my printer. Yuck. Is there anything more clumsy and annoying?

    Comment by Tony Lawrence — June 17, 2008 @ 10:38 am | Reply

  15. Tony – remember those rolls of thermal paper in fax machines? They were pretty horrible…….

    Comment by Sunili — June 17, 2008 @ 2:42 pm | Reply

RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URI

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Blog at

%d bloggers like this: