I have been resisting the eBooks. Mostly this is because I am inclined to write them as though they were some new invention of the Apple folks, like the iPod or the iPhone or the iWantToSeeTheLetterICapitalizedAgainFortheLoveofMoses. I consider the e-something revolution to be akin to the i-something revolution, and no good can come of this, people. It was only a matter of time before people were sending text messages and emails saying things like ‘i lost my monkey.’ Do we really want this to happen to the beloved e? I ask you.
Not that ‘e’ needs to be capitalized as often as ‘i’, but it is a slippery downward slope we’re walking. eventually it’ll be ‘a’, and then ‘u’, and – OH MY GODS it’s starting already! Did you SEE that?
Right. So. The eBooks. I was holding to my righteous stance, here, people. It was blasphemous. An INTERNET book? No pages to twitch? No smooth paper, no old typewriter style font set? No resting book on knees while consuming prolific amounts of cheese and chocolate? Oh, no. I was pure. Steadfast in my love of the smell of leather and old ink. Devoted to the path of good.
The Temptation of the Rogue
Nick Cernis came out with the delightfully named Todoodlist, which sounds simultaneously like a fun organizational tool and an cyborg titillator, a la Jude Law in A.I. I don’t know that Nick particularly wants that association, but it is there, in my head. Nick’s promotion of this eBook indicates that there is a chapter entitled, and I would not joke about this, Zen Kitten in a Box. Who am I to resist a Zen Kitten, much less one enboxed? I ask you. The Todoodlist also affects to help you “embrace simplicity, rid your life of complexity, (hm, lost me a bit there, chaos being so much a part of the rogue life) AND “discover fun new ways to be productive with paper.” Oh, sweet monkey G. PAPER? Stuff I can do with PAPER? And a ZEN KITTEN? Wants it, the precious.
I resisted the Todoodlist, standing reeling in the desert heat, my mind yearning to give in.
The Pen Men have Writing for the Web, a guide for people who want to launch a writing career. Um, yeah, say you. Aren’t you doing that? Wouldn’t this be old news for you? Yes. Yes it would. It attests to my love of the Men when I say that a) I suspect they have been holding out on me advice-wise and know something that I do not, which is why everyone loves them more than me, including me and b) that it would be worth the money just for an enjoyable read, even if I have already done everything they know how to do. The book is for new writers who need a break getting into the industry, and I wanted a piece of that, because I prey upon the weak and the innocent. Well played, Men. Well played indeed.
I shunned the lures of the Men – O! the Men! – certain I would be rewarded for my steadfastness. My skin was peeling away in the heat and I was too exhausted to breathe.
Christine O’Kelly has How I Built a Profitable Freelance Business for Under $50, and if there is anything the rogue is a sucker for, it is things that cost less than $50. I thought this would be an easy resist, since a title like that tends to scream scam (sorry, Christine) but unfortunately, the delightful Dave Navarro of Rock Your Day wrote a review that said, in essence ‘page 17 got me more clients than I could shake an Italian sausage at,’ and I thought damn you, Navarro. Now I am Pandora’s box level curious. What the hell is on page 17?
With a superhuman effort, I did not ask to see what was on page 17, and the Devil let me be, bleeding, sunburned, and delirious, crawling on my knees out of the desert.
And then the Magdalene came.
Naomi Dunford, of IttyBiz, is releasing her eBook today. I do not know what it is about. I suspect it is how to run a kick-ass small business, which is what I hired her to tell me how to do in the first place. She’s really great at it. Naomi is a behaloed goddess of get-shit-done, and she does not beat around the bush when she is telling you what is smart, and what is not, and which is which, and how she knows, and why it will work, and why you should just do what she says, seriously, because it works, damn it. She is fantastic at small business advice, and she has, apparently, written it down. How can I resist the glory that is my ultimate nemesis in BOOK form? It is the two things I love most, nemeses and books, in one shining body of glory. How can I resist her?
I can’t. I am falling from grace. I’m totally buying it. And all the rest of them, actually. If I’m going to fall, I am falling hard. You should come with me. I hear it’s heaven for climate, hell for company.
Addendum. Her eBook is on SEO, and now I need it even more, because I am damned if I understand SEO at all. Sweet Christ. It’s like she KNEW. Here’s the link to SEO School.
Subscribe. I promise never to pretend to be major religious figures again. Well. Maybe Kali. She’s kind of awesome.