Rogue Ink

May 6, 2008

Out of Context: The Hat

Filed under: Out of Context — Tei @ 7:14 pm
Tags: ,

“That hat is making my shoes hurt.”

I thought the chick who said this was nuts, but I looked, and she was absolutely right. That hat made ALL of me hurt. Shoes and everything.

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April 19, 2008

Out of Context: Buddha v. Jesus

Filed under: Writing — Tei @ 5:14 pm
Tags: , , , ,

Stoner 1: Dude, Buddha found enlightenment. Jesus just went toward the light.

Stoner 2: Dude. That’s crazy disrespectful to Jesus. Jesus was enlightened.

Stoner 1: Yeah. Maybe. He didn’t think he was one with those moneychangers, though. I mean, you don’t get all angry at people you’re one with.

Stoner 2: True.

This concludes our foray into Stoner Debates. They’re every Tuesday and Thursday on Pearl Street, right past the guy who plays a mean saxophone.

Sorry for the short post today. It’s Saturday, and there’s a farmer’s market out there. Have to go find me some more out-of-contexts. Subscribe. I’ll be back in action tomorrow and you’ll know about it before anyone else. Except the other subscribers.

April 9, 2008

Welcome IttyBiz Peeps!

Be it known that Naomi over at IttyBiz is my deep and abiding nemesis forthwith, for the cacophony of readers she hath brought to my tiny little blog. As proof, I give you this taunting little note she left me:

Haha. Now you’re going to have to start writing “Content is king” all over your blog and using numbers in your post titles because YOU’RE A REAL BLOGGER NOW! Na na na na NAAAA na.

Oh, very clever, most excellent adversary. Very clever indeed. You think I will be overwhelmed, but I shall prevail! And live to blog another day. Today, actually. ‘Cause, you know. I’m already here.

Today, I’m going to answer an astoundingly relevant question from one of my new commenters, which is: What is it you write about over here, exactly?

I’m SO glad you asked.

No, really. I prepared for this. I had a whole diagram plotted. Graphs and charts and the whole shebang.

Unfortunately, sticking a diagram in here is an aspect of bloggery that I have not yet mastered, so I give you instead

THE ROGUE LIST OF AWESOME

Rogue Ink is going to provide you with a slew of great information on writing professionally, freelancing by the seat of your pants, and blogging rogue-style (which is to say, with no idea what I’m doing). Why Rogue? Because no matter how desperate the situation, I will manage to wiggle my way out of it. I will climb trees, pick locks, and seduce devilishly handsome men to do it, but I will post daily, goddamnit. Here’s what I’ve come up with so far. I’ll be adding things to this as they become necessary.

  • Entrepreneurship: I will be officially founding (and by officially founding, we mean “putting up money to register with the state of Colorado”) my copywriting business, Good Ink (because not everyone likes the idea of a delightfully mischievous rebel writing for their company), on May 1, 2008. I’ll be chronicling all the ups and downs of that venture, including any marketing and business-running advice that has proven useful to me. The good news: my mother’s a marketing guru. The bad news: my aforementioned nemesis is also a marketing guru, and as we have seen, she will stop at nothing. Stay tuned for the ensuing exciting chronicles. If they’re really good, we’ll make them into a comic book.
  • Copywriting: By dint of its being my bread and butter (no, not literally, that would be greasy and disgusting), copywriting is the only topic on this bog on which I am able to speak with authority. And so I shall do so. With aplomb. And that bread and butter. Toasted.
  • Blogging: For the real experts, go check out the ever-growing list of blogging blogs in my links. The stuff you find here on blogging is strictly for newbies, but if you’re like me, you get so desperate looking for matter-of-fact information (HOW do you add an RSS feed?) in a world full of professionals that some of the things I recently figured out may be just what you’re looked for. Here’s hoping.
  • Journalism: I have a dream that one day I will write for Mother Jones and The Atlantic Monthly. I secretly want to be Tom Chiarella. I want to write epic, amazing stories that will make you weep and think and wonder softly to yourself late at night. Until that day, I write a little column now and again for the SF Chronicle’s Employment section, and will be keeping you posted on any new tricks I discover in journalism. And if I ever get any idea what’s really going on in the White House, rest assured, you will hear about it.
  • The War on English: Screw the war on Christmas. Christmas isn’t going anywhere, and I think we all know it. There are, however, powerful threats to the English language out there, and they will stop at nothing until we are all babbling as incoherently as those typo-endorsing, phonetic spelling, technology-addicted HEATHENS who live in the lower ranks of the comment filters. We, the Coalition of English Majors, shall not take this assault to our beloved language lying down. Nay, we shall blog about them, and we shall blog with a righteous fury, and they will know that we are free writers here. Freelancing writers, for the most part. But still. Free as all hell.
  • Off Topic: And now, as Monty Python says, something completely different. These will be the posts that are utterly unrelated to starting, owning, and running a freelance copywriting business. Except insofar as they will generally be starring the exploits, antics, and personal irritations of yours truly, who is the starter, owner, and runner of said freelance copywriting business.
  • Quotes: Quotes are sometimes from famous people, sometimes from other bloggers out there, and mostly just whatever I felt like repeating. It is distinct from Out of Context in that these people wrote it down, and thereby gave their implicit permission to be quoted. Whereas the Out of Context folk were stealth-quoted. That’s why it’s called Rogue Ink. For the stealthiness.
  • Well Played: Sometimes there are people who just do it up right. Occasionally, I’m going to give them some props. Because I grew up in Oakland, and that’s what they called it.

Today’s well played: Naomi of IttyBiz.

A clever gambit indeed, sending your readership over here. I would almost think you meant well. Oh, but I know you have secret plots in store, I do indeed. I will be watching you VERY closely.

If only because your blog is kind of, as we have mentioned before, ridiculously awesome and hilarious. And offers incredible insight into what entrepreneurs should do when they’re scared shitless (this would be me), as well as cutting commentary on bad marketing, truly unique SEO words, and some of the funniest analysis of the current media scene I’ve yet encountered. And your husband is absolutely adorable, and clearly loves you in a deep and abiding fashion.

For making me welcome, for sending your readers, for being clever and funny and encouraging and calling me a bitch several times in a way that somehow made me feel as though I had attained a new level of epic, I would like to say, well played, Naomi. Well played indeed.

Duel at dawn? Your place or mine?

April 6, 2008

Out of Context: The Lumberjack

Filed under: Out of Context — Tei @ 3:27 pm
Tags: ,

Large manly lumberjack type: “You know, sometimes there are just days when a man has to stand alone.”

::looooooong pause::

Large manly lumberjack type’s faithful companion: “Like . . . the cheese?”

Bless you, faithful companion. Those lumberjack types sometimes get a little too existential for their own good.

April 1, 2008

Out of Context: The Book

Filed under: Out of Context — Tei @ 5:19 am
Tags: ,

“I can read that girl like an open book, and that book is saying, I don’t even know I’m a book.”

March 31, 2008

Out of Context: The Friend Problem

Filed under: Out of Context — Tei @ 4:54 pm
Tags: ,

“I’ve been having a lot of problems with my psychic friends lately.”

I’m sure we can all relate to this poor woman’s plight. Unlike that whole book compatibility issue.

March 21, 2008

Out of Context: The Job Interview

Filed under: Out of Context — Tei @ 5:32 pm
Tags: ,

Young kid, wearing tie, on interview: So, what exactly does your company do?

Interviewer: Well, as the Water Company, we provide water.

Do you now. Fascinating. Carry on.

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